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so i leave today, for europe *excited face* and last night will be the last time i see frank until i return home.
someone tell me why he is so sweet, so thoughtful, and why the hell he wastes his time on me.
last night we went to delmonicos in albany and went to see click. the food was good and surprisingly so was the movie. we came home and then it hit me how much i'm going to miss him while i'm gone. dont get me wrong i want to go ... and i'm glad tiffany is coming with me but i want to share with him all the things i see. i feel like its not fair that i can go, but he can't.
it hit me that when i get home from europe i have to spend as much time as i can with him before i go to college and seeing him will be limited. i dont feel like it will be that much of a problem. we have an understanding.
i just, i sound like every single teenager out there i know but.. just that feeling when im with him or when i'm not that it swells inside me. it pushes so far up inside me that it pushes tears out when i realize how lucky i am. think what you want, that i'm naive or young but, i can't really imagine wanting anything more.
waiting was hard. and yes, two and a half years is a long time. but i couldnt be happier. couldn't ask for anything else
i love my life
i have great friends
i have laughter
god knows i have silliness
and i have so much... happiness.
the next steps of life will prolly be some of the best, and will prolly fly by at warp speed. but thats ok because i know my priorities. i have my loved ones and my friends and i'll never forget what i've learned along the way.
and rain falls angry on the tin roof as we lie awake in my bed. and you're my survival you're my living proof that my love is alive.
i can't imagine a better feeling than this one.
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(1 rocked sock | I rock!)
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Saturday, June 24th, 2006
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i'm so excited. but slightly dissapointed. i used to think that as soon as i'd get my diploma i'd magically change. but i'm not sure why or into what. i'd just be.. different. i'd be me only more grown up? i'd instantly become a new me. a mature adult me.
but yet..
i feel absolutley no differnt then say 9th grade. some kids change drastically but not me. i have the same monkey head and squinty eyed smile since i was two. when do i become grown up? will i wake up one day and someone will be standing there with another diploma saying, congradulations... you're grown up now!
i guess thats the dreams of a third grader, where the end of highschool is still so very far away. if you knew a high school kid back then, they were your hero, they were legend. now, i dont feel like i am, or ever will be a legend to anyone. maybe sashi. sweet sashi... i hope i see her next year at windham.
so now i become the little kid all over again. the naive freshman still four or more years from yet another piece of paper saying i accomplished something.
i wonder if thats when they'll hand me the grown up certificate.
i cant believe i'm going to be 19 in...11 days. just one more year to be a hormonally imbalanced teenager. idk if i'm happy or sad about that
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(I rock!)
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i haven't written here. i havent written anywhere, so dont be jealous, in a loooong time. i dont know why
i haven't felt the urge?
not gonna lie, the main reason i'm back was because jessa and i were talking about this today at carrerras so i said to myself i says, huh i'm going to jump on the ban wagon again.
in five days i graduate highschool. i'm not sad. i'm ready to be done. don't get me wrong red hook was a nice school, but i'm ready to move on to bigger and better things. i'm sure there are those of you out there that can agree
this year i already distanced my self from red hook by being in DAES but whatever it was worth it. its worth it for the people i've met and the experiences that i've gained.
i am going to miss a few very terribly, but i have no fears that i'll fall out of touch with them.
ah there is my knight in polka dotted armor. thats all for now
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(1 rocked sock | I rock!)
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so nobody wanted to go snowboarding with me.. and that makes me mad.
so i'm going to the dance.. which makes me more mad but its better then sitting home i suppose.
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(1 rocked sock | I rock!)
| Time: | 5:29 pm. |
| Music: | hey jude - the beatles. |
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(I rock!)
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Sunday, February 13th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:57 pm. |
| Mood: |  excited. | | Music: | best day ever - my chemical romance. |
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so in a half hour i'm going power walking with andy and grace pistachio THREW (thats right adam) the mall. he have a mission but its not a very important mission i suppose. well it is.. oh gawd she squacked.
last night i baby sat Thomas. he's such a cool kid. what makes it even better is he goes to bed at 745ish so i had till 1045 do whatever. so i watched MARY POPPINS and made valentines out of construction paper. as of friday i have 4 valentines. and i want to make them silly things because they won't be expecting that i would remember. and i want to make them smile.
29 minutes and counting!
oh man its going to be like a drivers ed reunion except minus carl and kyle. but thats ok.. i suppose we could drive by carls house and beep. but then that might lead to him having a heart attack and i dont want to be responsible for the nintey year old mans sudden heart failure.
so nobody wanted to be rebelious with me last night when i wanted to go to walmart at midnight. it made me emo.. i wrote a poem. ok maybe it didn't but still it would have been a great change from 'OH MY girl friend dumped me to bad so sad. wooo as me'
i'm on a role.
well i'm going to go mill around my house until its 115. so that would be in twelve minutes!! w00t!
let that be the end to a brilliant beggining! she decreed.
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(I rock!)
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Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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| Subject: | blarg |
| Time: | 12:02 pm. |
| Mood: |  creative. | | Music: | computer buzzing?. |
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so yeah, i went snowboarding last night and creepy raph was there.. shawn thought we should rename him rafikki.. and then it got shortened to just fikki. but the point is is that raph/raffikki/fikki didn't see us or atleast if he did he didnt remember us.. and didnt follow us around.
nobody was there i guess its a combination of things..
1. its been warm recently so everybody just prolly assumed it would be crappy.
2. the wind chill last night made it feel like 0 degrees instead of 22ish. and the wind almost blew me over a couple times. and made my eyes water THREW my goggles.. go figure..
so i'm baby sitting Thomas tonight. hes such a cool little boy. afraid of finding nemo but still a cool kid.
valentines day is coming up and ms temple so nicely gave us the night off.. idk about this day of valentines.. this is the first year i dont really want to make fun of it cuz i kinda have a valentine.. well and a bunch of 'valentines' so idk. i just daunt knaw
mom got me a duck that dances and sings 'i'm singing in the rain' its amazing. its sitting on the top of my monitor.
i wrote something the other night that i think is nice.. so if you read this tell me what you think;
good night son
let blessed dreams come
for in thy head possiblities are endless
never look down
or at the eternity behind you
look to the future
because there you are infinate.
well i like it..and i guess thats what matters.
signing off
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(2 rocked sock s | I rock!)
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Thursday, January 20th, 2005
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so yeah..
for my art midterm i am doing a nude drawing up in woodstock..
i will not be drawing a woman as i thought
i will be drawing a naked man named ray who apperntly is buff, yet middle aged.
meeting with griff later..
that is all.
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(I rock!)
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Sunday, January 16th, 2005
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ew for all those who read my live journal last year would remember creepy stalker guy asking me out for coffee and and then asking my coworkers about me when i worked at the video store.
well kiddees the interent is no longer safe, let alone the sanctuary that is...myspace. lets look at the name there for a second... MY SPACE !! not his space to make me creeped out.. MY SPACE feckers!!
so what happened is on January 15,2005 i got up went pee and came back and turned on my computer and logged onto myspace. yay for zara i have two friend requests and a new message! life was good. i let the requesters be my friends and i check my messages.. "Jacob" with no picture but of a painting
message:
hi i remember asking you out for coffee last year when you worked at the video store last year and you told me you were too young, the offer still stands reply back if you are interested
well i was to young for you then and still am.. shivers i mean dont get me wrong.. i woudnt be this mean if the guy was 20 but 26-27? a tad to creepy for me.
buhg
that is all..
-z
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(I rock!)
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Monday, December 20th, 2004
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woo tis the first snow day of the year and it was very satisfying. it was first a two hour delay then it moved on to a snow day. very satisfying to wake up on a monday at.. a quarter to eleven.
so anyway to go along with todays snow day.. i had my first experience driving in snow. it was really scarry in two places. going up the entrance ramp to 209 and then turning onto whalesback rd off 9g. i just barely avoided hanging out in a ditch for a while on whalesback but just at the last minute it decided to turn the way the wheel was.
so i'm on my moms new snazzy computer. she ALWAYS has to out do me.. it glows different colors on the front of the comp. and she got dsl..but she doesnt have it hooked up to mine yet so i have an excuse to be on her big flat screen glowing computer.
Friday night i did my audition.. which i'd like to think went well.. and then waited around for Phil to finish dinner with the canadians. we went down to kohls and went gung ho with my gift card i got from gramma. and then! the best part of all we went to go see the INCREDIBLES! it was in like a twelve person theatre and if you stood up straight in the isle you were a silloute on screen. but the cartoon before the whole thing started was amazing. it was called 'boundin' and it was about a sheep who danced around until one day it got all its sheepness cut off. and a jakalope comes along and teaches him to bound bound bound bound! oh and the incredibles was good to..i guess no i'm just kidding it was.
saturday was kids night out and it was really fun. i painted faces (but they weren't that good considering i had really crappy brushes) and played duck duck goose and was the leader of a train and ... i went with the kids to the cafeteria and the bathroom from the movie "ELF"
so it was good stuff
then went on a journey with phil and anthony to shop and stop to buy KAPOP popcorn. b'cuz its the best generic brand you can get.
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(I rock!)
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Friday, December 3rd, 2004
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tonight is the opening night for the good doctor. I am PROP MASTA Zara and stage manager for stage right and... of course what everybody absolutley comes to see the show for... curtain puller. WOO.
anyway being back stage has been a fun experience... but i like being on stage and in the spot light much better... i'm trying out for oklahoma and have been working on my audition piece for the last hour and a half.. now to add the accent in and to actually do hand gestures where they are SUPPOSED to be. so.. any who...
its friday i'm excited for the play.. woo for crew! not techies as fletcher calls them.
craig just imed me..i didnt think he'd actually talk to me ever again..wierd.
anyway i have to go read the Great Gatsby... the only reason i want to keep reading it is a) his wife's name is Zelda b) Zelda is known for how eccentric she is c) she went crazy trying to become a ballerina. its amazing if you ask me.
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(4 rocked sock s | I rock!)
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Thursday, November 25th, 2004
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hey children.. i know you missed me. and that is why i have made my triumphant return for many reasons. because i'm bored to tears sitting here on my arse on turkey day feeling fat and sassy (rejected!!) to say it will be snowing hopefully soon.. and..
storm is gone .. i had to tell the internet community that the worlds most precious three legged cat has passed this world. amazing was he in all of his talents and ..obvious faults.
any who.. after that snifflness..
j-star and i redecorated the watermelon room like whoah. sure theres now a new sun living in her room that she controls with a flip of a switch but there are stripes on the bed and mush or plush or what ever they are residing on her bed and air matress/couch.
we also found the philopian nut. which as much as jordan would LIKE to think is a brazillian nut. oh man oh man.
i went shopping last night for my dress. silver halter dress with black netting and embroidery.. pretty rockin if you ask me. cuz i'm so good like that i suppose.
well i'm tired cuz i'm a wuss and go to bed early on days i eat myself retarded. g'night to all
signing off.. Zara
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(1 rocked sock | I rock!)
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Sunday, September 12th, 2004
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so yeah, school, the first week.. its over .. already. we won our first field hockey game of the season 4-0 and by the looks of it we will have a great season. my classes are very cool. it looks as if both mr eric petersen and i have most of the same classes which make to be an interesting year from what i can tell.
i got my car! very exciting its been torture because i got it friday so it wont be on the road untill, tommorrow night... stupid dmv. why cant it be open on weekends?
so i'm set i have my OFFICIAL sr liscence now to go with my OFFICIAL car not the oh i'm going to get this one or i'm going to get that one. its real its in my driveway every morning i wake up and its STILL there. which is exciting .. no no EXTREMELY exciting.
so i'm going to go because p-bert is going to be here shortly to finish watching the remake of the mask of zorro. to point out all the flaws of the movie. haha
--Zara--
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(4 rocked sock s | I rock!)
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Monday, August 30th, 2004
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so yeah scratch the passat. my parents pulled the plug and decided to give me an extra 4k to afford a corrolla that i saw down the road in the beggining of the summer that i was in love with. woot! i get it checked out tommorrow.
hockey has started, the first week along with fair week came and went. challenging but that was not unexecpted. the new goalie pads.. uh i can't even describe how amazing they are.
hmmmm... the summer is quickly coming to a close. a week and a day. so i guess it is good bye. in the words of dashboard so long sweet summer
a boring but productive summer. work car.. fun but not randomness like last summer. i will miss it. tommorrow is the last day of august. then back to school. to start yet another year.
11th grade....
woah
anyway..
signing off
-Z
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(I rock!)
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Thursday, August 26th, 2004
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fours days into hockey and i'm not as dead as i thought i would be. monday was like christmas because i got there and brand new obo robo pads awaited me. i went on line yesterday and added up the total of all the new equipment i got. lets just say it rounds to 700 dollars. my mouth dropped open when i saw the costage. i feel honored. and as corny as it sounds i want to try really hard to show that i earn the stuff that was bought for me.
so yeah i wennt to get the passat checked out today. some easy fixage. drives smoothly and the shift patterns aren't going to be so hard to learn. i was watching as my dad drove it to red hook auto (a. can't drive standard fluently yet b. not 18 and so the dealership wouldn't let me )
so when my parents get back from boston over labor day the car should be ready and i'm going to go for it. my dad seems to be positive that the kinks can be worked out and i'm so phyched up right now.
i can just see me cruisin down the street in my lil passat with the sun roof open and the radio playin'
oh yes much better then the beast (my van)
fair tonight. i wonder how that goes.
--Z
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(I rock!)
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Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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so yeah, hockey starts tommorrow. this should be interesting. i'm probally going to get my butt whooped. its not like i dont need it tho.
its going to be sad, mo i'm going to miss you in hockey!
i 've been messing around with my digital camera. (no i don't have one.. but i have confinscated my moms old one that she does not use. so i proclaimed it mine. and it is mine until she asks if i have seen it.
so summer is officially over tonight. i went in the first stage of back to school shopping.. pants underpants . i love that word.. underpants. panties sounds really dumb and underwear sounds to formal. so a happy median is required... underpants. saying it makes me laugh..
i have no life and no friends and i went to see Princess diaries 2 today because i couldn't find anybody to go with me.
the end.
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(4 rocked sock s | I rock!)
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Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
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so yes the parentless week was .. not boring. it was amazing if you want to go that far. haha lets have a week recap!
Monday: i went and woke morgan up because i was bored and nobody was around and brought her to the mall with me. i then proceeded to bring her to her dr appointment in kingston. got my hair cut. and then raced back home to go to work to turn around and have to go home to get my shoes. cuz i had sandals on. this taught me to keep your red shirt and shoes inside the vehicle at ALL times. after work philbert came over and we played the sims.
Tuesday: my day off. allie and i went to the mall (can we say MALL RAT?) and i got a new pair of pants and a couple shirts i found on sale. it was good stuff. i brought her home and went to kingston , no not to the mall, to meet my boatswain gretchen. she brought me to Tri Mount boy scout camp for the scout thingy where we were going for recruitment. but instead i had an entourage of 14 year olds hitting on me. it was a scary experience. some kid knew an old friend of mine. and another had a kingston lacrosse sweatshirt so i talked to him for awhile he looked like barrett.
after returning from said boy scout camp, allie and nick came over and we had tacos and watched ghost busters. it was much fun.
Wednesday: i woke up and i went down to Arlington to visit my sam. the quest for the day was to go shopping for their trip to Deleware. but the main focus was to try and de-ghettotize her little sister Lisa. and as it was lisa was wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt to the mall. we went to sears to get Sam a bathingsuit. and some of the stuff lisa and i had her try on was tear jerking hilliarious. i dont think sam found quite as amusing. as sam went to go find her aunt who could get her a discount. lisa and i went to zumiez cuz she saw sweat pants she wanted even tho i yelled at her that you dont wear sweat pants to the beach. and i wanted a belt. we get there and i find my belt and i go to the register. Lisa is behind me with her pants. the kid behind the register had a big wig hat on. so i pointed to his hat and asked if he'd seen them when they came to the chance. "YOUR A BIGGE FAN? OMG I LOVE YOU!" and other such exclimations. he got all hushed with an excited look on his face. "you want to see something but you have to keep it on the down low?" "sure" i said kind of bewildered. he turns around drops his pants to reveal a bare white ass with the big wig sun on the left cheek.
needless to say i was scarred for life. as we left the store lisa leans torward me and says 'and you want me to be white after that?!'
Thursday: i had a double shift at work. it was not very much fun. on my break i went home and fed kira and went back to work. after work i had some a friendly get together at my house although for some fucking reason a butthead that i do not like one bit called and wanted to come over and i rejected his request. i kicked everyone out of my house at like 1:45. i then accompanied BDK to wallmart to get a can opener pillows and coat hangers. it was an interesting expierence. i have not been to walmart so late at night since i went with Adam Mo and Mike. well.. kind of.
and we went to diner. and i came home
Friday: i got to sleep in for the first time all week. i woke up at 11 and showered walked kira and fed the animals. i went over to kingston to run errands and then decided i did not want to be at my house so i went to germantown to visit the adam barbie at his place of employment. we talked for like 2 hours it was that dead. as a person came into his pizzeria i left and drove over to see sarah. she was not expecting me to show up on her porch. but i did. and we went to the mall to wander around and consume soft pretzles. on bringing her home i picked up tessa and tessa and i went and got ice cream. i dropped her back at her house at 9:30 i vedged out to whos line is it anyway and other shows playing after 11. the real adventure began at about 12:45 as i left on my late night honeymoonish adventure. hahaha
Saturday: i got back from the drop off at 7:30 am and fell directly into my bed and did not stir untill 11:21 when i had to wake up feed the dog and go to work to pull a grueling double shift which i got threw totally zombietized. NOT FUN
Sunday: had a cinnamonbun party and vedged out untill 5 when my parents returned and i had to go to work.
the end.
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(2 rocked sock s | I rock!)
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